Connie Durham (00:02.168)
Proverbs thirty one twenty eight says her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Do you ever find yourself as a mom overwhelmed, exhausted, low on energy, low on confidence, low on everything that it takes to move forward with your day? Well, you know what?
Had that same thing. I've gone through all the decades of motherhood from having babies to working part-time to having my kids become teenagers, running children around. I mean, it can be exhausted, exhausting being a mom. So, what do we do about that? You know.
There's a lot of emotional changes that go through whenever we're young and we're having babies, you know, before babies, being pregnant, after babies, taking care of babies, 24-7, being exhausted. What do you do? Well, I'm gonna share some things with you today to help you renew your energy, hopefully renew your confidence, to help you move forward. And these are things that I have found myself to
Help me keep on going. Even though I've raised my kids and I have a lot of grandkids, you know, that emotional roller coaster just keeps going. It's like we need to have our specific purpose in life, what drives us, you know. While you're raising your kids, you have that. But you get tired and you get low on energy. And sometimes you don't feel like that woman who
First got married to that man and was excited, full of energy, full of hope. Because when you're exhausted and you get tired, nothing looks good. Anybody nodding their head? Nothing looks good. So we have those days when we just have to stop and refill our own energy. We have to hunt for what keeps us going because ultimately we love our husbands.
Connie Durham (02:21.046)
We love our kids. And even when we love our life, there are still those ups and downs. These days, so many times, you know, you're looking at social media, you see the happiest times of people that families have. And you know, I have those too. Those wonderful times when you're traveling or you're completing your project. I sing in a Southern Crescent Corral group. I love singing.
But every day when I get up, I have to decide what am I doing today? Sometimes I think you're better off when you work full-time and you're just going in and somebody's telling you what to do every day. But for those of us, maybe we've been a stay-at-home mom for years. I myself, like I said, worked part-time instead of full-time through the years. I taught dance, I was a sales director with Mary Kay Cosmetics. And in the last few years, I've been
producing the Extraordinary Marriage podcast that you're listening to now. But you know, every day there's the ups and there's the downs. And I have to keep on going, just like you have to keep on going and keeping that energy as a mom. So today we're gonna look at that. The roller coasters of motherhood, of being a woman, whether we're working full time or whether we're at home with our kids all the time, you have great value and often.
We forget our value. You know, God made each and every one of us special, beautiful, inside and out. And sometimes that's what we think we are. That's how we feel we are. So what do you think you are today? There are emotional feelers, and there are those people who are thinkers. Feelers kind of go up and down, they have super high, super energetic.
super happy or they have super lows where they just don't feel like they're quite enough. Now those thinkers, they're analyzers. They have great habits. People who have those great habits, you're gonna find as you listen today, you're gonna go, yeah, that's me. I got that. Great. I am so glad for you because I'm one of those emotional people that sometimes I am very up and down. So
Connie Durham (04:38.144)
What happens on those days that we feel overwhelmed or we feel like we're not enough or we feel like no one appreciates us? What do we do? Well, I used to find myself going shopping. Yeah. Sometimes that runs up bills, right? now I was a really great shopper, so you know I found good deals.
But you know, sometimes shopping or just looking around the store in the peace and quiet, finding a few things that my family could use, you know, encouraged me. And I I felt renewed. sometimes it's talking on the phone. You know, people don't do that very often anymore. They don't talk on the phone. We text. Well, I love text. It's quick, it's easy, you can do it right about anytime. But sometimes you just need to talk to a friend or spend time with a person.
I know it's the old-fashioned thing, but guess what? People today are the same people of yesterday, and people need other people. So talking on the phone. So call a friend. Take a few minutes with each other. You know, I'm doing a mom co group at church right now, and our theme this year is being interruptible. Yeah. Sometimes when I get busy or I'm working on something, I'm really not very interruptible. Are you interruptible with your kids? Do you stop and listen?
Do you think about what's the most important thing in life, which is your children, your spouse, your family, your friends, love, right? That really is what's most important. Another thing is having a project or something I like to do. But I found a really big one for myself is self-talk. And I teach this sometimes in confidence classes because
We have trouble as women with our self-talk. We say things to ourselves, I do it too, that no one else would say to us. But we would never imagine saying to anyone else because it would be mean. Do you talk mean to yourself? Yeah, I do sometimes. And some women do not. That goes back to those thinkers and those analyzers. They don't tend to do that as much as the feelers. So
Connie Durham (06:55.768)
How do we get past these things? How do we move on? How do we keep our happy on when really everything else in life is wonderful? Why do I feel down sometimes? Well, here's one of the things I found that helps me refuel, and that is exercise.
Now, exercise, you know, I wear that watch every day that tells me how many steps I've taken and how many calories I've burned. And so I became aware of just what it takes to burn some calories and what happens when we sit on the couch watching TV all day, or we sit in an office chair all day long. You know, we don't burn very many calories. So moving makes me feel better. It gives me energy, it makes me more positive.
I've noticed when I go on a long trip, you know, four or five hours in the car, I'm exhausted because I am a mover. I'm exhausted if I'm sitting too long. So how do we move? Well, first of all, guess what? When we're doing that housework and we're running around doing this and that, going here, going there, all over the place. We are moving. And if you're wearing one of those watches, you see that you are getting steps and you are moving. As long as you're moving, I think.
That it creates energy and that you feel better. But other ways to move besides house cleaning is turn on some music and dance. You know, turn on a YouTube and exercise. Join an exercise class once or twice a week. And it makes you feel stronger and it makes you feel better about yourself. So that may be walking, swimming, going to the gym, dancing, like I said, or turning on a YouTube.
We have a lot of choices today, a lot of places that we can find exercise and encouragement. And one thing is to shut out a lot of the negative stuff, right? But exercise. How are you moving? That's your first thing to regain energy. The second thing is, I'm a sunshine girl. How about you? You ever have a few days where it's rainy, rainy, rainy, cloudy, and dark, and you start feeling a little blue? Well, it's important to get
Connie Durham (09:03.806)
light and sunshine. Talk about how you know talk about excitement and warmth and that is sunshine. It boosts your serotonin level. So get outside. Even in the wintertime, go sit outside, eat your breakfast, eat a snack, take a break. The third thing is social conversations. And I kind of hit on that when I talked about picking up the phone again these days.
A lot of times we hesitate to do that because we're busy with this or we're busy with that, but it's important to talk to somebody. So having that social network. Now, I myself I find myself a lot of times getting busy and not wanting to get on the phone. But my daughter, she spends a lot of time with friends. She does things for people, she makes appointments to spend time for a lunchtime or a play date with kids.
And she purposely gets with friends on purpose. And sometimes if we want to renew our energy, we have to figure out what we need and what we need to do on purpose. And when you are a friend, you have lots of friends. When you take time with people, when you talk to people on the phone, when you encourage others, you have more friends. So sometimes we have to be a friend to have friends.
And I remember one day one of my granddaughters was in the back seat and she was she was younger then, maybe like third or fourth grade, and I said, Hey, how did school go today? And she said, Good, it was okay. And I said, Well, why do you sound so fress out? She said, Well, I don't really have any friends. And to hear her say that, I was like, that hurts my heart. But the truth is, as I said to her, is do you know how to make friends?
It's like when you sit down with a bunch of people and you're feeling kind of shy, feeling kind of backward, and and you don't have anyone to talk to. Well, there's somebody else sitting right there beside you or around you. Where all are you at? People are lonely and everyone is looking for somebody to talk to. They're looking for friends, and people have trouble speaking out. How do you make a friend? By saying, Hey, my name is Connie. How are you?
Connie Durham (11:24.45)
Well, you know, and you start to ask them for whatever situation you're in, asking them some questions, maybe about family or motherhood or their work or what they love to do or what their hobbies are. And once people start talking about themselves, because we all know ourselves very well, then a conversation gets started. And you want to believe what people will tell you sometimes. Sometimes I can be on a line at the store and start talking to somebody and
energy just picks up as people start sharing and we're all really so much alike social connections also hobbies how engaging and personal interest can recharge your spirit what do you like to do what do you like to do do you like to cook you know look for recipes do you like to do crafts whether it's I think I've done all kinds of things through the year ceramics
I've crocheted, I sew. I started with a quilting class at church last year. I've enjoyed that. I like to paint. You can find painters on YouTube, even who give direction on what to do. Can you believe it? There are so many free things you can do these days. And even the price of paints and that kind of thing are really, really well priced at the store, like at Walmart or that kind of place. So
You know, what do you like to do? Find something you enjoy doing and make it your hobby and create. Or it might be just reading a book. Self-care is number five, simple acts of self-love that uplift your mood. Find the things you need. So what was that? Exercise, sunshine, social connections, hobbies, and self-care. And then the next thing is the power of organization. Now I myself
I'm a little bit of a messy person. I can live in a bit of a mess, but then I like for it to be cleaned up. There's some people who cannot live with any chaos around them and they have to have everything in its place. So if that's you, you're very organized and everything is in its place.
Connie Durham (13:40.473)
But I have found sometimes whenever I'm a little down and out, frustrated, not feeling my best energy, it's because I have let things get a little bit messy and I need to figure out how to organize. And what how do we do that? One thing at a time, right? So there's a power in organizing your day. So whenever I was a young mom, I found it powerful to have a day for laundry. Cause I mean, we all got laundry, right?
So if I let laundry go until I'm ready to do it, then no one would have any clothes, right? So I would do laundry one day a week. And I would do that laundry the same day every week. That gave my week organization. So I would do laundry that specific day. Also shopping. We all gotta go grocery shopping.
And so I would plan the best day to do my grocery shopping. That way I could plan my list, plan my menu, plan what I'm gonna cook, look through some recipes, find some new things. Cooking dinner is really challenging for many a woman. First of all, we all like to eat. Mm-hmm. We all like to eat, but sometimes we get tired of cooking. And if you eat out all the time, it's very expensive and very hard on your budget. And so
Shopping the same day, maybe sitting down the day before and planning your groceries is helpful. Also, having one day that I cleaned. So if you have a one-story house or a smaller house, maybe vacuuming the whole house and sweep, maybe vacuuming one day or sweeping another day. having those certain days that you do certain
things so that you have a list when you wake up. So household chores, doing them more systematically, automatically, maybe on a certain day. And then having a hobby day. Hey, it's Wednesday. It's my fun day. I get to do something I enjoy doing today. And so pulling that out so every week you kind of have a plan. I've also found it really good whether in business
Connie Durham (15:59.285)
Or whether it's making my list for the week is to make a list the night before what I'm gonna do tomorrow. So think about it. If you have your week plan, you know, on Monday you vacuum all the floors and maybe sweep that day. And on Tuesday, maybe you do laundry every week. So all day you know what you're doing, you're doing laundry, and maybe do some other things you enjoy in between.
and then on Wednesdays you go shopping. So you know that you're gonna be planning your menus and getting that ready before you go shopping on Wednesday. Maybe Thursday's your play day because you've done all your work through the week and now you get to choose something fun. Maybe it's going out to lunch with a friend, or maybe if you have small children, meeting up with somebody for a play date. See how that all goes together in creating energy and giving your
giving you an emotional boost. Now I'm gonna look at some confidence boosters for mom because, like I said, sometimes we talk kind of bad to ourselves, we're hard on ourselves, and we really need to look at all the good things that are going on around us. There's a lot of good. All right, so First Corinthians thir thirteen, four through seven says, Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not.
Boast. It's not proud. It does not dishonor others. And it's not self-seeking. It's not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I want to give you seven confidence boosters. Besides the other things that we just looked at.
All right.
Connie Durham (17:59.159)
And I just shared about making a plan. That is one of my big ones there. Making a plan, having a plan that helps me keep going. Number one, celebrate the small wins. You know what? If you made a list, you could check your list off that day for what all you're doing. It gives you that sense of accomplishment. Celebrate, celebrate the small wins. Acknowledge daily achievements. Number two, practice gratitude. Think of all the things that you are thankful for.
For. So often negativity gets the biggest attention. What we're frustrated about gets the biggest attention. Focus on gratitude. What are you thankful for? Think of the good qualities of your spouse. Think of the good qualities of your kids. Think about your own good qualities. Maybe write it down a few things that you're thankful. Maybe some talents that you have. Number three.
Once in a while we need to dress up and fix up. That might be to go to the store, it might be one night for dinner. But you know, a lot of times as a mom we wear t-shirts all the time and we're comfortable, and we're perfectly happy with that if you are great. But if you need a little spruce and up, you know, fix your hair, put on a little makeup, you know, put on some perfume, make yourself feel better, dress up, wear something that makes you feel good. Four affirmations. Like I said before, use positive.
Talk to boost your confidence. Positive talk. Maybe even right now, write down three good things about yourself.
Five, set boundaries. Learn to say no and prioritize self-care. First you have to be able to take care of yourself. Now I have a story I've told before about saying no, and some years ago, really only three or four years ago, I found myself a lot of the times I would say no to something, to a kid, to a husband, to a friend, somebody asked for something, no, and then I would feel guilty about it. And when I felt guilty about it,
Connie Durham (20:10.13)
It really took a lot of my energy. It was negative. But if I said yes and I didn't want to do it, then that also created negative negative energy. And if I said yes, then I had to follow through because if I said yes, I do whatever I say I'll do. So that meant I had to do it. And I would start to feel frustrated, you know, a week or two weeks before whatever it was that I said yes for.
So one day I had heard a motivational speaker and and he said, Let your yeses be yes and your no's be no. And that day it just hit me. I would, from that day forward, if I said yes, I would say yes wholeheartedly. And I would want to do, and I would have a good attitude about it. But if I said no, I would not feel guilty about it. So
When somebody asked me something, I would take my time, take a few minutes, think about it. Can I give a yes and I'll do it wholeheartedly? Or do I need to say no because that's just not something I want to do or I can't do? And I then started to repeat that to myself. Let yes let my yeses be yes.
And my nose be no, because you know, nothing happens simply, does it? We have to practice whatever we want in our life, whatever we want in our marriage, whatever we want with our kids. We have to be consistent. We have to practice it and we have to do it day in and day out to make it our own. So I did that, and it changed everything for me because that was sucking a lot of energy from me by doing things I didn't want to do or saying no and feeling guilty about it. Jeez, what's that about, right? So set boundaries.
Be sure and say no if you need to and say yes to what you want to do. Six, seek support. Join other moms. Join moms groups. Have lunch for the friend. Find online communities. I mean, there are other people out there just like you. You know, being a mom is one of the most important jobs you'll ever do.
Connie Durham (22:21.57)
You're raising the future. You're raising the children, the adults of the future. And how we deal with our kids is everything. And that starts with keeping our own energy up, right? Seven, reflect on accomplishments. Keep a journal of your achievements. You know, we often say, you know, in in the Christian realm that, you know, keep a journal and write down your prayers so that you know that when God answers something, you're like,
wow. I look back through my journal and I found yes, God answered that prayer for me. You know, reflect on your accomplishments by keeping a journal. What's important to you? Maybe if you're having a hard time or there's a lot of troubles in your household, maybe you write down those things so that you can pour them out somewhere into your journal. And you can go back and you can look and see how things progress and move forward. Lastly day, I I would like
What would it cost to replace you at home? Let's look at your worth. What would it cost to replace all the things that you do right there in your home? All right, let's look at laundry because we all do laundry, right? Well, it says that online it says that laundry would be about
$50 a load. So how many loads of laundry do you do? How many loads of laundry? I mean, like I think everybody does at least to five. So that means for the week, you're doing the laundry is worth $250. A lot of times when we don't work and we're at home, sometimes we start to feel like maybe we're not doing our part or we're not valued or whatever. I myself, like I don't have kids at home anymore.
And I was out working, making a little more money than I am now. And so I started to feel like, you know, you know, my husband's making all the money. And I never really felt that way before. I taught dance. I did I was a sales director, like I said earlier with Mary Kay Cosmetics, and I started to feel like, you know, I need to put in my part somehow. And and so anyway, so this is where part of this came from. But everybody does laundry. So 250, 300, 400, 500, how
Connie Durham (24:40.472)
How much laundry do you do? Also, house cleaning. You know, house cleaning, if someone else comes and cleans your house, it's going to be about a hundred to a hundred and seventy-five dollars a week. Now, there have been times in my life that I needed a house cleaner because I wasn't really doing it myself. Yeah, I wasn't keeping up with it, but but a hundred to a hundred and seventy-five dollars a week. Okay, so add that to your weekly value, right? Child care.
All right, you know, many working moms, you guys know exactly how much it costs for child care. And around $200 a child. And that's like for a think about that, for five, you know, $200 a day. Yeah. Yeah. You can't quite pay that at child care, can you? That would be a thousand dollars for five days for working. So it's hard to really put a a value on that. But if you paid someone else to take care of your children,
at $200 a day, a whole day, two kids times seven days for the week, that would be twenty eight hundred dollars. Now you're feeling really powerful, right? Doing a job. And then meal prep. Like I said, we all like to eat, but we don't like to all cook all the time. But about this does a hundred dollars a week for meal prep. I don't think so. Eating out is about eighty-five dollars a night.
So think about that. $595 a week, you know, if you don't cook dinner, that's what it costs. And so I want you to really think about the value you have in your house. All these tasks that have to be done, these are things that moms do. In conclusion, I just want you to think about your value as a mom.
For God has given for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. Second Timothy one seven. I hope this has helped somebody out there today that's listened to this podcast.
Connie Durham (26:58.978)
I want you to first take care of yourself, keep it positive, and I want you to write down three things that make you feel valuable today. And I'm gonna read a little note from this book. It's called Walk the Talk. I love these little books because they're inspirational, and sometimes just hearing something really encourages us. And this is from Abraham Lincoln: Commitment.
Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It's the words that speak boldly of your intentions, and the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none, coming through time after time, year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff that character is made of. The power of change, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph.
of integrity over skepticism. Commitment. That's what moms have. That's what moms have to renew each and every day. I hope you're encouraged today. If you are, be sure and subscribe to The Extraordinary Marriage and share it with a friend. You never know who really needs to be encouraged today. I'm Connie Durham. Thanks for listening.
Grow Together, Laugh Together, Love Forever!
