10 Areas to Negotiate for a Balanced Relationship (5)

There are some areas of life that we are more knowledgeable or passionate about than our spouse.  Some we may feel are non-negotiable. If you want a great relationship, you're going to need to TALK about all these things and give the reasons they are important to you.  This is how you build the bond of communication and reasoning with your spouse and get to know the deep parts of one another.  You're each individual people with separate past, personalities and preferences. Learning to meet in the middle will solidify your union.

10 Areas to Discuss

1. Household Responsibilities - Discuss who does what and how to divide chores fairly.

2. Finances - Decide on budgeting, spending, and saving strategies that you can both live with.

3. Parenting Styles - Talk about how you each were raised and what qualities, values, virtues you want your kids to have, and the method of discipline you will use.

4. Social Life - This is where hardwired personalities come in.  Will you associate with single friends still, married friends, what influence will your parents have?  Do you like to socialize a lot or only occasionally? 

5. Career Goals - How will you balance work and married life?  Will there be travel, late hours, career changes?

6. Communication Styles - This is my expertise.  Begin to pay attention to how social you each are, who is the stronger in arguments, who talks the most or listens, who's the thinker and who is spontaneous.   Check into my ReDISCover Your Spouse OnDemand Workshop to get to know and understand each other better.

7. Conflict Resolution - This is a big one.  Constant unresolve conflict causes bitterness and disconnect.  Shine a light on it and find ways to stay calm and connected with open discussion always listening carefully before responding.

8. Intimacy Needs - Get number 6 & 7 right and you'll keep the attraction in your marriage.  Keep it consensual and balanced.  Meeting in the middle and being considerate is very important here.

9. Health and Wellness - Take care of yourself includes getting the rest you need to be your most congenial self with your spouse.  Exhaustion causes a lot of arguments.

10. Spiritual Life - Hopefully you are on the same page when it comes to your basic beliefs and practices.  For many this offers a firm foundation that keeps their marriage loving and well balanced.

Here are 5 Ugly Culprits that get in the Way

When Searching for Middle Ground 

Really self-reflect so that you can recognize these in yourself.

1. Ego 

2. Resentment

3. Over Control

4. Fear of Vulnerability

5. Unrealistic Expectations

Step by step life is a cinch.  You just take one day at a time but keep moving forward.  Most of the challenge in relationships is that then simply become emotional, judgmental, and forget to reflect on the whole picture.

A happy, healthy marriage is big job for some, for others it's easy.  What's important is self-reflection, the ability to forgive, and the willingness to meet your spouse in the middle.  AKA... You don't always have to have your way!

Blog 5 of my 20-part series this month

Connie Durham, Wife, Mom, Nana, Speaker & Relationship Coach

Find more at The Extraordinary Marriage