Living with a narcissist can be painful and degrading.  In last week's blog we talked about what causes narcissism.  Once you understand that, you may be able to have empathy or mercy on their horrible behavior, if you can see past your own pain.

Somehow, possibly through their own challenges growing up, the need for self-preservation became so strong, they never developed empathy or any kind of thought for others.

Prayer and patience can make a difference, add counseling to that if they'll go.  They really do need HELP and so do you.  Below are the out-of-control behaviors they exhibit and ways you can cope and learn how to keep from setting them off emotionally.

My Quilting get together is today.  It's the first week back to everything after the holidays.  I pride myself in keeping my commitments and I'm looking forward to working on a baby quilt.  Time is of the essence... that baby will be here soon.

My day begins great, but not with what I'd planned.  I'm also back on that crazy diet that works, (I lost 10 lbs. in the fall) it's nutritious, it's real food... but it takes following the guide and lots of extra prep time.  That's why I've gained weight, always in a hurry, don't eat until I'm starving, then I grab PB&J and anything else that's close by.

I text my quilting friends that I'll be an hour late. I finish the two work items that I've deemed most important this morning, make my salad for lunch, grab my snack that's on the list, realize I still haven't eaten breakfast, I've got to put my sewing machine and sewing box in the car... and suddenly I realize... I'm running around like a crazy woman. 

STOP!  It's 30 minutes to my quilting ...

90% of what is put into our minds daily

is of a negative nature.

John Maxwell

What if you could turn that around?  Would you be willing?  Would you take action?  

It would require going into protection mode.

Stop hanging around people with bad attitudes, bad language, dishonest people who are only thinking... what can YOU do for me. 

When watching TV... You'd become aware of beautiful people and landscapes in drug commercials that pronounce sickness and death into your Mind.  Are you thinking about that now?  Pretty pictures, maybe nice music, telling you all of the ways their product can kill, but you should take it?  Ever notice that there's often 5 to 10 minutes of the show you're watching and then 5 minutes of commercials?

You'd need to stop being reactive and educate yourself in how to be proactive, in order to switch up your thoughts and regain hope.

The book of Romans, chapter 12, verse 2 says:  Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the re...

Reaching into my nightstand drawer, and fumbling through the junk for the TV control, I'm reminded that it's back to work. (After Christmas) Time to regain focus on what I want to accomplish this year.  There's nothing worse than wandering in the wilderness, listlessly, without purpose or direction.

As I go down the stairs for the first time this morning, which direction will I head?  What's the most important thing I'll do today?  Have I planned it?  Do I have a list?  What's first?  

As I prepare for a successful new beginning this year, I see overfilled drawers, closets, and clutter from the past year that cloud my mind with things I need to do and guilt for lack of action this past year. It's important that I let go of one thing, in order to do, what's most important to me.

What do you need to let go of this year, in order to enhance your marriage and family?  I like to say... Happy Couples = Happier Kids, because a healthy family life begins with a healthy, respectful, lovin...

For me, it's more fun to go to the party rather than BE the party!  Someone else has done the prep, invited the people, decorated, shopped, cooked, and is now serving.  I realized this at my first birthday party for my oldest son.  I loved planning, decorating the cake, greeting the guest... but as the party got started, I got busy and had little time to chit chat with everyone.

Talking with everyone is my happy place

It's Christmas this week, and as I go upstairs to take one more inventory of all the gifts I bought, making sure to have the same amount for each of my 15 grand kids, hoping they like what we got them, this is it.  Tonight, my family celebrates Christmas together.

With 23 people coming for dinner tonight, I have to tell you, it's hard getting everyone together all at once.  Sometimes I yearn to back it all up to the way it was 10 years ago when our group was smaller, easier, simpler.  But this is part of life.  The most important thing is passing along love, caring and...

It's taken me years to realize that self-awareness is the begging of successfully connecting to others.  Too often adversity and frustration with another person begins with our own mood, circumstances, or expectations.

Do you see everything that can go wrong, or do you shift to positive possibilities?

Are you overtaken easily by anger?

Would others describe you as patient or impatient?

You see... you must first know yourself before you can get along with others.

Excellent communication makes your spouse feel seen, heard, and appreciated.  After all, they are your #1 and they need to know it.  Touching base during the day, eating dinner together, going on a walk, discussing your day, planning for the week together, all keep communication open and positive.  One biggie when talking with your spouse is keeping a loving tone of voice.  It is said that couples need 15 hours together in some sort of way every week.

Listening... goes right along with excellent communication.  Eye con...

First let's address that NO Body wants to attend a family gathering where there's back biting and bickering!  Hurting people hurt others, they just can't seem to help themselves but... family is family. 

If we can be realistic and optimistic, knowing we're prepared before we go, there IS hope!  AND we all have to do things that are not just about US!  Going to that family gathering or office party with your spouse is a Must!

We allow people and the world to pull us apart as a couple, or we are determined and united to stand together.  What don't kill us, makes us stronger, LOL.  Ultimately being prepared with understanding of the people you're with will help you move past unwanted comments. Sometimes it's just best to not respond.

Everyone comes in with their own burdens, stresses, frustrations.  Learn to see people, know where they come from, and have a little mercy.  You see every behavior style at a family function.  

A - The Over Talker

B - The Booster

C - The Gripper

D - T...

Taking out the trash when it's full is a great habit because it keeps your kitchen from stinking up your house!  There are habits you use at work like, being on time, following through with responsibilities, and doing first things... 1st each day.  Your Habits will predict your future.  Great habits build repour, trust, and integrity with those around you.

So why don't we think about our habits with our spouse?

Many times, our behavior depends on our mood, emotions, and what's going on with the kids and work.  Are we getting enough sleep or is our schedule stressing us out!

Some people are patient and easy going while others become tense and impatient causing them to be critical or explosive.  Which one are you?

You see... if you are critical or explosive, it's like a daily badgering to your spouse.

You see... if you are on the receiving end, the air is literally sucked out of life... each and every day.

Here's the thing... more than likely...

You don't realize how your behav...

 Tis the season when we get so busy we lose sight of what brings us joy.  I know when I'm tired and grumpy, I'm not bringing joy to those around me.   

Working together and sharing responsibilities lightens the load for both of you BUT... some people lack the ability to think past their own needs.  If you're married to a spouse like this... personal growth is a process. 

It will take patience, but there is hope!

1 - Evaluate what you each experienced growing up.

2 - How close are your family values?

3 - Do you find it easy and enjoyable to live with your spouse?

If not, the only way to expect a lifelong marriage is to find

ways to overcome what divides you. 

After 46 years of marriage, kids, and life... I believe understanding how people think and make decisions differently, show emotions, and respond to stress... will move the needle in your relationship in the BIGGEST Way!  First understand personality, then decipher through the rest.  www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/redi...