If you suspect your spouse is narcissistic, you may be experiencing their rage and confusing behavior daily.  If you can understand the causes, recognize the red flags, and behavioral traits, you may be able to find healing and hope.

Causes of Narcissism

Narcissism often stems from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Key causes include:

• Childhood Trauma: Experiences of neglect, overcontrol, excessive hostilities in the home, helplessness or excessive pampering can lead to narcissistic traits.  I would say childhood environment and upbringing are top causes.
• Low Self-Esteem: A fragile self-image may drive individuals to seek validation and power through narcissistic behaviors.
• Cultural Influences: Different Societies, emphasis on individualism and success can foster narcissistic tendencies.
• Personality - Some behavior styles are more apt to this when they deal with childhood trauma through anger.  

Red Flags of Narcissism

Recognizing early ...

It's been about 2 years since we got our camper and began camping and Kayaking at the lake.  We love spending those quiet moments together, having fun, talking, hiking, reading a great book, dreaming.  It is said that couples need to spend around 15 hours a week together doing such things and that it's important to have fun with your spouse.  Find things in common, you didn't know you had using "The Chemistry of Lasting Love" activities list and guide to find what's most important to each of you.   https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/5NEEDS 

The biggest disconnect for couples is lack of communication, or maybe it's being unable to find healthy happy communication between yourselves.  Learning to have patience with each other.  As a Talker... I had to learn to listen.  It's simply giving respect to the other person, listening to what they have to say and contemplating before you speak.

Even though we have always been respectful of one another, we found great challenge in kayaking...

Heading out in the kayak again, today I'm claiming better balance, because yesterday as I was preparing to put my second leg into the boat... I felt myself loosing balance... and OH NO... over into the water I toppled, splash!  It's October, it was still warm, but I'm WET!  Whatever!  Jeff and I begin Laughing uncontrollably.  I am always good for a laugh... silly stuff happens and either you laugh, cry, or get mad.  

Which one are you apt to do?  How about your spouse?

Your personality predicts how you respond to any situation. 

I remember years ago a friend and I were 3 hours late coming in from a shopping trip. We were on vacation together with our families, we lost track of time and even though the guys were worried, (There were ambulance sirens and this was before cell phones) my husband was just thankful, slightly bothered, but my friends husband was mad.  The guys had prepared spaghetti, and as we sat down to eat and we talked about it, the madder he became and the more I gig...

Bringing two different people into a win, win relationship may not be easy.  As I discuss in "The Rediscover Your Spouse" online workshop, we all have different personalities, perspectives, and past.

Your upbringing determines how you see the world, what you care about most, along with the integrity of how you live your life.

Some personalities live their days filled with habits, structure, and goals.

Other personalities trod along each day freely taking each opportunity and obstacle as they come.

There's a great value in both and a great need that each has.  One needs structure to function while the other needs freedom to function.  As always, the sweet spot is right in the middle.  Structured spouses could lay back a bit and the Freedom folks could use a few more... good habits.

But what happens when two people marry and they're opposite in this way? 

One may have a need to control the other or demand that their spouse function the same way they do, because the structured perso...

Every person needs to be seen, heard and appreciated.  I remember when I first heard a coach of mine say that.  It's profound.  I wrote it on the front of several notebooks so that I wouldn't lose it.  Now I remember it.

When you are determined to up your game and improve your relationship, it's up to YOU to begin.  You have the power in your hands to lift yourself up and out of any discord.  It may take a couple weeks, or it may take couple of years.  It's according to where you start.  I begin everything with prayer.

Begin by associating with positive minded people.  People who find solutions, look at the bright side, and have learned to see both sides of any matter.  Listen to encouraging podcast, music, TV shows, and Godly friends.

Here's the biggie for today, take a look at your spouse and focus on 5 things they are good at.  It might be they're really smart, good with people, money, work hard, creative, disciplined, you name it.  Then Appreciate and compliment them on those th...

So, I just finished an upcoming podcast with my daughter.  It happens to be the last in the Empowered to Love Series where you can begin to overcome... what brings down way too many marriages. 

Conflict!  Over reacting.  Unforgiveness!

Way.. too... many... couples... get caught up in the frustration and irritation, unable to find their way out of it.  Once we are mad, hurt, or scared that every time we see our spouse they are going to explode, we're stuck.  I call it the CRAZY CYCLE, the book "Empowered to Love" calls it the REACTIVE CYCLE.

Knowledge is power.

Power is being able to take action.

Action begins the process of healing the wounds and overcoming the Reactive Cycle. 

Overcoming the Reactive Cycle means FREEDOM to love and enjoy your relationship.  But it takes at least ONE person, seeking help, looking for answers. 

You can begin with the S-T-O-P Method. 

This is just part of podcast episode 124. 

If you're finding a lot of bitterness, begin listening with episode ...

Sometimes it's BIG things and sometimes its little things that just irritate the daylights out of us.  Here are a few things to consider.

Not forgiving is like drinking poison... and expecting the other person to die.

Yeah, you might want to read that again.  It's truth.  Not kills us, not so much the other person.  I do understand that some things might feel like it's impossible to forgive, but most of the time, if we get real with ourselves, it wasn't as important as we thought.

Maybe we're seeking attention, revenge, or you fill in the blank.

If you want a loving marriage... it's up to you to create one.  Maybe you or your spouse have not witnessed a loving marriage in your lives.  The family is under attack these days, there are tons of divorces and single parents raising their kids the best they can.  If you didn't have 2 parents or your 2-parent home was a war ground, you'll have to seek a mentor, guidance, and identify for yourself, what you really want and how you'll get it...

Marriage is truly a journey.  Meeting that person you love to spend time with, talk with, and explore the worlds possibilities with.  Getting to know each other begins with dating and with each new season of life, the adventures grow.  How it grows is up to you.

As kids come along, attentions shift.  Children require a lot of energy and attention, but so does your spouse.  So how do you balance that?  I believe most everything has a trickle-down effect. 

Putting God first gives you the moral foundation and support you need and we must care for ourselves so that we have a full cup to give to our families.  Your spouse is next... #1, above your kids.  I know if you're a woman, you naturally lean into your kids, but don't forget your #1 relationship and the trickle-down effect.  When things are good with you and your spouse, the children will absorb those vibes from you, act and react, just like the two of you.

How do you keep your marital love growing?  By purposely finding ways to...

There are some areas of life that we are more knowledgeable or passionate about than our spouse.  Some we may feel are non-negotiable. If you want a great relationship, you're going to need to TALK about all these things and give the reasons they are important to you.  This is how you build the bond of communication and reasoning with your spouse and get to know the deep parts of one another.  You're each individual people with separate past, personalities and preferences. Learning to meet in the middle will solidify your union.

10 Areas to Discuss

1. Household Responsibilities - Discuss who does what and how to divide chores fairly.

2. Finances - Decide on budgeting, spending, and saving strategies that you can both live with.

3. Parenting Styles - Talk about how you each were raised and what qualities, values, virtues you want your kids to have, and the method of discipline you will use.

4. Social Life - This is where hardwired personalities come in.  Will you associate with sin...

It is what we don't know, that causes division in our marriage.

It's those things we are unaware of.  How we treat our spouse is shaped by how our parents treated each other and our core hardwired personalities.  

Some personalities are private, controlling, all-knowing, suspicious, oblivious.  Being aware of the ways we are causing disconnect in your marriage, can help you overcome those thorns that divide.  

 Here are five areas where couples often struggle with guidelines:

1. Family

   • In-laws and extended family can often step over the line especially in new marriages, leading to conflict.  Your spouse is now #1 and your family will still be there for you if they are well balanced people.

2. Work

   • Bringing work stress home can cause havoc in your relationship and resentment.  Take a minute to breathe and change modes.

3. Friends

   • In a new relationship, friends have to take a back seat and may expect the same time and priority they used to have.  Now your spouse is
   ...