Last Friday was Halloween and for the first time in years, we gave out candy.  You see, we have trees and live far off the road.  We built our house 37 years ago and quickly found out that no body walks us a long driveway in the dark!  Our Church held a "Trunk or Treat" this year, so my husband and I decorated with hay, pumpkins, and mums and had a Photo booth for families to take pictures.

I went to my first Christmas Concert this weekend... yes... Jesus only Jesus Concert with Charles Billingsley, a Christian singer of many years.  He was fabulous and to top it off, I got to lead the opening praise team of 5 ladies, God continues to stretch me even at this age.

You know, it is that continued growth that keeps me alive with passion and energy!  That same energy flows into my marriage, weekly blog, and my marriage podcast.

FIRST - I'm always looking for ways to appreciate my husband, on purpose and automatically.  Every person wants to be SEEN, Heard, and Appreciated.  Without this,...

You never want to think about your marriage as SCARY... but sometimes you get something after the knot is tied... that you never imagined! 

It might be moodiness, outburst of anger, constant criticism, overspending, you might feel neglected and you're thinking, IS THIS WHAT MY WHOLE LIFE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?

We all put our best self forward when we're dating, but living together can bring out the worst in people.  There are many reasons you couldn't see this in the first place and you're thinking, why is this happening?

Well, it's not that everyone changes on purpose but now you're together even more than before.  Here are some the causes of a ScArY Marriage.

• You and your spouse are opposites
• ScAry emotions and trouble from the past are now evident 
• Your upbringing & values are different
• There's a lack of respect, thoughtfulness, & kindness...because it wasn't learned 

What can you do?

• I believe Christianity is your first stop... God's help... Prayer 
• I believe...

You've been living with your parents, you're working and you never feel like you have enough money.  Now you're married and nothings changed except now you're coming up short every month.  You're thinking about buying that brand new car, you love eating out and buying the latest video game.  Your spousing is eyeing the latest fashions, wanting to decorate, and dreams of buying a house.

What happens when you get married? 

Have your parents bought you everything you want?

Do you saved any money?

Now you're married, you've gotta share everything and hey... it's your paycheck, you worked hard, now you're ready for your rewards.

We all want to hear, you deserve it, spend it, buy what you want, but the truth is... Now you are part of a team, stepping into real life where setting boundaries for yourself, building excellent credit, and discussing how and where to spend your paychecks will keep the arguments down, because stress will kill your love life.

Financial responsibility is one o...

Romance is easy when everything in life

is going according to plan.

But what happens when you're sleep deprived, worried about paying your bills, emotions are high, and your relationship is feeling rocky?  

When the going gets tough, the tough get going, or do we fade and fold?  Sometimes I feel like I'm crumbling and I'd like to fold.  Sanity comes back when you remember what you're thankful for, you remember to be loving, and fight yourself... focus on what is right and true.  Too often the emotions of the day take over and whisper the negatives that destroy us... and our relationship.

Let's practice Romance... keeping or bringing back that romance that keeps our love life thriving.

I'm always saying that bringing different personalities and backgrounds together in marriage can be challenging, but what happens when the In-laws don't cut the umbilical cord?

Just picture Husband on the Left side of the couch...

his parents in the middle...

and the wife on the right side of the couch. 

There's a big distance between husband and wife.  Everything he thinks or says to his wife, has to go through the parents first.  She feels like an outsider.  Romantic love is impossible.  They become distant, combative, resentful.

This happens way too often.  Why is it?  Here are a few thoughts.

• Control - Are the parents being self-centered, don't have faith in the abilities of their grown kid, disrespecting or don't like the new spouse, or are they just ignorant in how destructive this is to the new relationship? 
• Narcissistic Behavior - Parents are controlling and manipulative, jealous of the spouse, insist on being the top priority, they meddle in decisions, criticizing...

  Ever wonder how unhealthy attitudes like perfectionism, pride, or victim mentality could be hurting you? 🤔 Recognizing these patterns is the first step to healing. Remember, forgiveness and God's love can break cycles of hurt. Let’s work on ourselves and grow! You'll find the full "Formula for Forgiveness" YouTube Below

💪✨ #SelfGrowth #HealingJourney #Forgiveness

https://youtu.be/MmzrxmAtKkA?si=YpnqQDzcUSzGduPR 

Connie Durham

Relationship Coach, Speaker, Wife, Mom, Nana 

Atlanta, GA Suburbs

So many couples put the cart before the horse.  They meet, hang out, get pregnant and then think... do we want to commit ourselves to each other for life and get married?

Too often the answer is no, and so explains, why there are so many children growing up without fathers.

Charlie and Erika Kirt not only believed in the Bibles version of marriage but also shared that truth with the world.  Last night I watched the over 4-hour tribute to Charlie's life, ending with his precious wife speaking.  Wow, what strength!

We live in a day and time where it can be dangerous to disagree with some folks.  Charlie took that chance and stood strong for 13 years, building Turning Point USA.  He believed in respect, but at the same time challenged others in what they believed.  

What if you and your spouse have been raised in such different families that your values and opinions are causing division?  What can you do?

#1 Remember what you loved about each other when you got married.

#2 Remember ...

My favorite pair of sunglasses broke this past spring.  They were fixable but I set them on the edge of the counter where I saw them most every day.  I figured if they were in plain sight... surely, I'd take a minute and glue them.

I didn't.  It's been 4 months... and today I finally took a few minutes to do what could have been done immediately.  Why is that?  P r o c r a s t i n a t i o n !

  Now... unlike a broken relationship, the crack in my sunglasses didn't get any worst.  I did have to apply some rubber bands to hold the glue tightly until it was dry.

A relationship begins to crack little by little and you do notice, but you tend to ignore it, making excuses like, he's got a lot going on, he's been working so hard, he didn't mean to explode like that.  It'll get better.  But what if it hasn't gotten better?  Some kind of action is needed if you want things to change.

- Books are priceless.  Here are a few that I use.

• The Holy Bible
• Empowered to Love (Focus on the Family
...

Were you attracted to your spouse

the first time you saw them? 

Most likely you felt butterflies in your stomach, your eyes lit up,

and you felt your breath as you spoke to them. 

Life became the adventure of meeting up, getting to know each other

 and deciding what you'd do next together. 

The more time you spent together, the more you adored

and wanted to be with them.

You began to plan your life together, marriage and work, with a family quickly following.  But then life got busy, time was short, money was short, and tempers and frustrations became more prevalent and your attitude towards one another changed.

Does that sound familiar?  Why do we suddenly begin to focus on all the things we don't like about our spouse?

I think it's because when we're dating, everything is fresh, brand new... it's an adventure.  It's exciting.  It fills our soul and inspires us anew every morning.

So, what do you do when you've been married many years?  How do you keep that Romanti...

You know TIME is an issue that divides many couples.  We all make choices of where we spend our time.    TIME is a basic NEED of many people, in order to feel valued, appreciated, and wanted.  I like to say when we way YES to one thing we are saying NO to another.  It's important to put your spouse at the top of your list, when it comes to spending time together.  Listen below.  #TheExtraordinaryMarriage 

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