We are emotional people.  Some more than others.  Disagreements, untruths, and being ignored take their toll.  Some people act wrongly because they do not know how to act right.  But what happens when someone has hurt you or cheated you?  Do you carry that around for the rest of your life?  What good is that going do?  Listen to this weeks blog and if you want to hear the whole message... go here.  https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/podcasts/the-extraordinary-marriage-faith-family-fortified/episodes/2149081680   You'll be glad you did!

Relationship Coach, Connie Durham

Atlanta, GA

#TheExtraordinaryMarriage Podcast

When we entered Holy Matrimony, we were young, inexperienced and in love.  We started out in an apartment but in 7 months bought a house.  Within13 months we had our first baby.  There's a song... "A baby changes everything" and it's so true.

A baby's helpless and requires 24/7 attention.  My husband Jeff was working full time, going to school at night and playing the organ at church.  I was finishing a voice degree, taking care of baby, and teach Ballet 3 evenings a week.  We we're inexperienced and learning on the job.  Isn't that what we all do?  It's the constant change and new experiences that kept us going through those years.  Personal growth that we weren't even thinking about, it was just naturally happing.

We were lucky, blessed, and I realize it 46 years later, because we understood the concepts of give and take.  Compromise.  Meeting in the middle.  Not my way but our way.  It worked beautifully.

We raised our kids with the integrity we learned from our parents.  Raising...

Well friend,

What causes a broken marriage?

• Selfishness
• Literally being unaware of what a loving relationship looks like.
• Assuming your spouse needs the same things as you do.
• Extreme personality differences that crush one another.

How do you find healing?

• Pray together
• Discuss what feels broken?
  • This means two-way peaceful conversations
  • This means listening as much as you talk
  • This means both of you are open to the NEEDS of the other
  • Commit long term to learning and growing together.

How do you stay on track for the long haul?

• Learn to give more than you take - I call this making loving, helpful, deposits into your relationship rather than withdrawals like yelling, not keeping your word, or gaslighting your spouse.
• Find what your spouse needs most from you and practice filling those needs.  Download my free resource, "The Chemistry of Lasting Love" and take ACTION by discussing and following through daily, weekly, monthly, until you succeed.
• Take advan...

Could it be that your spouse's DNA is already programed with neatness or messiness?  The Answer is yes!  Their mom can only do so much... the rest is DNA.  This same DNA predicts how they perceive the world, make decisions, and what motivates them. 

This is the first half.... find the second half on YouTube.  

 https://youtu.be/-iAmqjoYV6g 

#TheExtraordinaryMarriage #personalitystyles #opposites 

Frustration with your spouse is a sure libido snatcher!  It sucks the love and caring right out of the room.  One minute you may be talking, laughing about something and suddenly... snap... everything changes!

There is always an aggressor.  One person that is short on patience and has forgotten their marital promises of loving, cherishing and respecting their spouse.  Or maybe this spouse has never had a loving relationship modeled for them.  You can't emulate what you've never seen.

We all have stress we just express it differently.  If you could understand why your spouse is flipping out and that it's not really about you... would that give you a little relief?  You might be able to avoid escalating the situation.  I know, you're just defending yourself.  Setting the record straight.

When your spouse becomes sarcastic... something's wrong.

When your spouse closes down and won't talk to you... something's wrong.

It might be that they've had tumultuous day, they're exhausted, or m...

How many of us react upon emotion? 

You know, you're tired, stressed out, or upon what you've just heard...

you got your feelings hurt, or you're... MAD?

I can predict, upon your personality style, how you'll react. 

Emotions are hard to control.  They bubble up quickly, start to boil, and now the steam is heating up in the room.  Do you Clam up?  Do you cry or do you yell?

Do you say things that you know are hurtful?  (Or does your spouse?)

Once somethings said, you can't really take it back.  It's been heard, taken to heart, done the damage.  Hearing hurtful words is the same as once you SEE something... you can't unsee it... like porn, a limp broken arm, a bloody accident. 

Words cut deeply. 

The book of James, chapter 3 says "If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body. 

Now when we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide the whole animal. 

Consider ships though very larg...

You and your spouse both have needs, but are your needs the same? 

Does your spouse need what you think they do, or have you even thought about it? 

I'm here to tell you, your spouse may not be needing what you're thinking, why?  Because most likely you're thinking your spouse NEEDS the same things YOU do.

Got the picture?  It's not always sex either.  Every human being has specific things they need from their spouse to feel supported and loved.  When these NEEDS are attended, they grow closer as a couple.  They LIKE their spouse and enjoy spending time together.  So, why doesn't anyone talk about this?

Because they are unaware!  Have you really thought about this yourself?

Today I was watering my plants. I often remember when the leaves are falling off or drooping.  There's a particular plant (You see it in the photo) that sends out runners or fast-growing roots that come up outside the dirt... LOOKING for water.  Those roots are thick and desperately looking for water so it can...

You might be thinking, "My marriage was not supposed to be like this." My spouse was once a dream date—creative, thoughtful, respectful—but now, it feels like he’s everything but that. What happened?

Well, it’s kind of like my white, petite Tommy Hilfiger pants. They looked fabulous the first time I wore them, but after a few washes, they kept getting shorter and shorter. At only 5 feet tall, short people don’t usually have issues with pants being too short; they’re always too long! At first, I ignored the problem, but as time went on, those pants started to feel a bit dorky—not stylish, classic, and sharp like they once were.

Finally, I took action. I removed the factory's 2-inch hem and re-hemmed them. Now, I feel good in them again.

Marriage, like many other issues in life, can feel the same way. We’re bothered, confused, and not feeling the love, but we ignore the problems until we can’t ignore them any longer. Can you relate? It might be with one of your kids, work, a friend, o...