You never want to think about your marriage as SCARY... but sometimes you get something after the knot is tied... that you never imagined! 

It might be moodiness, outburst of anger, constant criticism, overspending, you might feel neglected and you're thinking, IS THIS WHAT MY WHOLE LIFE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?

We all put our best self forward when we're dating, but living together can bring out the worst in people.  There are many reasons you couldn't see this in the first place and you're thinking, why is this happening?

Well, it's not that everyone changes on purpose but now you're together even more than before.  Here are some the causes of a ScArY Marriage.

• You and your spouse are opposites
• ScAry emotions and trouble from the past are now evident 
• Your upbringing & values are different
• There's a lack of respect, thoughtfulness, & kindness...because it wasn't learned 

What can you do?

• I believe Christianity is your first stop... God's help... Prayer 
• I believe...

Romance is easy when everything in life

is going according to plan.

But what happens when you're sleep deprived, worried about paying your bills, emotions are high, and your relationship is feeling rocky?  

When the going gets tough, the tough get going, or do we fade and fold?  Sometimes I feel like I'm crumbling and I'd like to fold.  Sanity comes back when you remember what you're thankful for, you remember to be loving, and fight yourself... focus on what is right and true.  Too often the emotions of the day take over and whisper the negatives that destroy us... and our relationship.

Let's practice Romance... keeping or bringing back that romance that keeps our love life thriving.

I'm always saying that bringing different personalities and backgrounds together in marriage can be challenging, but what happens when the In-laws don't cut the umbilical cord?

Just picture Husband on the Left side of the couch...

his parents in the middle...

and the wife on the right side of the couch. 

There's a big distance between husband and wife.  Everything he thinks or says to his wife, has to go through the parents first.  She feels like an outsider.  Romantic love is impossible.  They become distant, combative, resentful.

This happens way too often.  Why is it?  Here are a few thoughts.

• Control - Are the parents being self-centered, don't have faith in the abilities of their grown kid, disrespecting or don't like the new spouse, or are they just ignorant in how destructive this is to the new relationship? 
• Narcissistic Behavior - Parents are controlling and manipulative, jealous of the spouse, insist on being the top priority, they meddle in decisions, criticizing...

My favorite pair of sunglasses broke this past spring.  They were fixable but I set them on the edge of the counter where I saw them most every day.  I figured if they were in plain sight... surely, I'd take a minute and glue them.

I didn't.  It's been 4 months... and today I finally took a few minutes to do what could have been done immediately.  Why is that?  P r o c r a s t i n a t i o n !

  Now... unlike a broken relationship, the crack in my sunglasses didn't get any worst.  I did have to apply some rubber bands to hold the glue tightly until it was dry.

A relationship begins to crack little by little and you do notice, but you tend to ignore it, making excuses like, he's got a lot going on, he's been working so hard, he didn't mean to explode like that.  It'll get better.  But what if it hasn't gotten better?  Some kind of action is needed if you want things to change.

- Books are priceless.  Here are a few that I use.

• The Holy Bible
• Empowered to Love (Focus on the Family
...

Were you attracted to your spouse

the first time you saw them? 

Most likely you felt butterflies in your stomach, your eyes lit up,

and you felt your breath as you spoke to them. 

Life became the adventure of meeting up, getting to know each other

 and deciding what you'd do next together. 

The more time you spent together, the more you adored

and wanted to be with them.

You began to plan your life together, marriage and work, with a family quickly following.  But then life got busy, time was short, money was short, and tempers and frustrations became more prevalent and your attitude towards one another changed.

Does that sound familiar?  Why do we suddenly begin to focus on all the things we don't like about our spouse?

I think it's because when we're dating, everything is fresh, brand new... it's an adventure.  It's exciting.  It fills our soul and inspires us anew every morning.

So, what do you do when you've been married many years?  How do you keep that Romanti...

We are emotional people.  Some more than others.  Disagreements, untruths, and being ignored take their toll.  Some people act wrongly because they do not know how to act right.  But what happens when someone has hurt you or cheated you?  Do you carry that around for the rest of your life?  What good is that going do?  Listen to this weeks blog and if you want to hear the whole message... go here.  https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/podcasts/the-extraordinary-marriage-faith-family-fortified/episodes/2149081680   You'll be glad you did!

Relationship Coach, Connie Durham

Atlanta, GA

#TheExtraordinaryMarriage Podcast

When we entered Holy Matrimony, we were young, inexperienced and in love.  We started out in an apartment but in 7 months bought a house.  Within13 months we had our first baby.  There's a song... "A baby changes everything" and it's so true.

A baby's helpless and requires 24/7 attention.  My husband Jeff was working full time, going to school at night and playing the organ at church.  I was finishing a voice degree, taking care of baby, and teach Ballet 3 evenings a week.  We we're inexperienced and learning on the job.  Isn't that what we all do?  It's the constant change and new experiences that kept us going through those years.  Personal growth that we weren't even thinking about, it was just naturally happing.

We were lucky, blessed, and I realize it 46 years later, because we understood the concepts of give and take.  Compromise.  Meeting in the middle.  Not my way but our way.  It worked beautifully.

We raised our kids with the integrity we learned from our parents.  Raising...

Well friend,

What causes a broken marriage?

• Selfishness
• Literally being unaware of what a loving relationship looks like.
• Assuming your spouse needs the same things as you do.
• Extreme personality differences that crush one another.

How do you find healing?

• Pray together
• Discuss what feels broken?
  • This means two-way peaceful conversations
  • This means listening as much as you talk
  • This means both of you are open to the NEEDS of the other
  • Commit long term to learning and growing together.

How do you stay on track for the long haul?

• Learn to give more than you take - I call this making loving, helpful, deposits into your relationship rather than withdrawals like yelling, not keeping your word, or gaslighting your spouse.
• Find what your spouse needs most from you and practice filling those needs.  Download my free resource, "The Chemistry of Lasting Love" and take ACTION by discussing and following through daily, weekly, monthly, until you succeed.
• Take advan...