Stopping The HURTFUL Words in Marriage

How many of us react upon emotion? 

You know, you're tired, stressed out, or upon what you've just heard...

you got your feelings hurt, or you're... MAD?

I can predict, upon your personality style, how you'll react. 

Emotions are hard to control.  They bubble up quickly, start to boil, and now the steam is heating up in the room.  Do you Clam up?  Do you cry or do you yell?

Do you say things that you know are hurtful?  (Or does your spouse?)

Once somethings said, you can't really take it back.  It's been heard, taken to heart, done the damage.  Hearing hurtful words is the same as once you SEE something... you can't unsee it... like porn, a limp broken arm, a bloody accident. 

Words cut deeply. 

The book of James, chapter 3 says "If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body. 

Now when we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide the whole animal. 

Consider ships though very large and driven by a fierce wind, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.

Our tongue is just like that BIT for the horse, the rudder for the ship. 

Imagine the fraction of variance that caused the Titanic, to hit that ice, sinking the ship, drowning people in cold icy water.

Is your marriage drowning in hurtful words?

It's a viscous cycle... that can be turned around.

When conversations begin to heat up with you and your spouse...

•  PAUSE and think, how much does this really matter? 
• Listen thoroughly, ask questions with a soft, loving voice.
• Contemplate and understand what's causing the disagreement?
• Could it be stress, hunger, or you've spent very little time together?
• Could you be opposites and simply have different points of view?

For most couples it's all the above.  The first place of defense is relying on God's word and turning it over to him.  The second defense is learning what brings the two of you together and the third is identifying the ways you each deal with stress, frustration, and learn to communicate them.

Some people have a loose tongue.  Others Clam up and won't talk. 

Understand why you each react the way you do and learn how to fill your own cup.

I'm Connie, host of The Extraordinary Marriage Podcast, helping couples understand one another and find lasting love.

www.theextraordinarymarriage.com 

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