Bringing two different people into a win, win relationship may not be easy.  As I discuss in "The Rediscover Your Spouse" online workshop, we all have different personalities, perspectives, and past.

Your upbringing determines how you see the world, what you care about most, along with the integrity of how you live your life.

Some personalities live their days filled with habits, structure, and goals.

Other personalities trod along each day freely taking each opportunity and obstacle as they come.

There's a great value in both and a great need that each has.  One needs structure to function while the other needs freedom to function.  As always, the sweet spot is right in the middle.  Structured spouses could lay back a bit and the Freedom folks could use a few more... good habits.

But what happens when two people marry and they're opposite in this way? 

One may have a need to control the other or demand that their spouse function the same way they do, because the structured perso...

Every person needs to be seen, heard and appreciated.  I remember when I first heard a coach of mine say that.  It's profound.  I wrote it on the front of several notebooks so that I wouldn't lose it.  Now I remember it.

When you are determined to up your game and improve your relationship, it's up to YOU to begin.  You have the power in your hands to lift yourself up and out of any discord.  It may take a couple weeks, or it may take couple of years.  It's according to where you start.  I begin everything with prayer.

Begin by associating with positive minded people.  People who find solutions, look at the bright side, and have learned to see both sides of any matter.  Listen to encouraging podcast, music, TV shows, and Godly friends.

Here's the biggie for today, take a look at your spouse and focus on 5 things they are good at.  It might be they're really smart, good with people, money, work hard, creative, disciplined, you name it.  Then Appreciate and compliment them on those th...

So, I just finished an upcoming podcast with my daughter.  It happens to be the last in the Empowered to Love Series where you can begin to overcome... what brings down way too many marriages. 

Conflict!  Over reacting.  Unforgiveness!

Way.. too... many... couples... get caught up in the frustration and irritation, unable to find their way out of it.  Once we are mad, hurt, or scared that every time we see our spouse they are going to explode, we're stuck.  I call it the CRAZY CYCLE, the book "Empowered to Love" calls it the REACTIVE CYCLE.

Knowledge is power.

Power is being able to take action.

Action begins the process of healing the wounds and overcoming the Reactive Cycle. 

Overcoming the Reactive Cycle means FREEDOM to love and enjoy your relationship.  But it takes at least ONE person, seeking help, looking for answers. 

You can begin with the S-T-O-P Method. 

This is just part of podcast episode 124. 

If you're finding a lot of bitterness, begin listening with episode ...

Sometimes it's BIG things and sometimes its little things that just irritate the daylights out of us.  Here are a few things to consider.

Not forgiving is like drinking poison... and expecting the other person to die.

Yeah, you might want to read that again.  It's truth.  Not kills us, not so much the other person.  I do understand that some things might feel like it's impossible to forgive, but most of the time, if we get real with ourselves, it wasn't as important as we thought.

Maybe we're seeking attention, revenge, or you fill in the blank.

If you want a loving marriage... it's up to you to create one.  Maybe you or your spouse have not witnessed a loving marriage in your lives.  The family is under attack these days, there are tons of divorces and single parents raising their kids the best they can.  If you didn't have 2 parents or your 2-parent home was a war ground, you'll have to seek a mentor, guidance, and identify for yourself, what you really want and how you'll get it...

Marriage is truly a journey.  Meeting that person you love to spend time with, talk with, and explore the worlds possibilities with.  Getting to know each other begins with dating and with each new season of life, the adventures grow.  How it grows is up to you.

As kids come along, attentions shift.  Children require a lot of energy and attention, but so does your spouse.  So how do you balance that?  I believe most everything has a trickle-down effect. 

Putting God first gives you the moral foundation and support you need and we must care for ourselves so that we have a full cup to give to our families.  Your spouse is next... #1, above your kids.  I know if you're a woman, you naturally lean into your kids, but don't forget your #1 relationship and the trickle-down effect.  When things are good with you and your spouse, the children will absorb those vibes from you, act and react, just like the two of you.

How do you keep your marital love growing?  By purposely finding ways to...

There are some areas of life that we are more knowledgeable or passionate about than our spouse.  Some we may feel are non-negotiable. If you want a great relationship, you're going to need to TALK about all these things and give the reasons they are important to you.  This is how you build the bond of communication and reasoning with your spouse and get to know the deep parts of one another.  You're each individual people with separate past, personalities and preferences. Learning to meet in the middle will solidify your union.

10 Areas to Discuss

1. Household Responsibilities - Discuss who does what and how to divide chores fairly.

2. Finances - Decide on budgeting, spending, and saving strategies that you can both live with.

3. Parenting Styles - Talk about how you each were raised and what qualities, values, virtues you want your kids to have, and the method of discipline you will use.

4. Social Life - This is where hardwired personalities come in.  Will you associate with sin...

It is what we don't know, that causes division in our marriage.

It's those things we are unaware of.  How we treat our spouse is shaped by how our parents treated each other and our core hardwired personalities.  

Some personalities are private, controlling, all-knowing, suspicious, oblivious.  Being aware of the ways we are causing disconnect in your marriage, can help you overcome those thorns that divide.  

 Here are five areas where couples often struggle with guidelines:

1. Family

   • In-laws and extended family can often step over the line especially in new marriages, leading to conflict.  Your spouse is now #1 and your family will still be there for you if they are well balanced people.

2. Work

   • Bringing work stress home can cause havoc in your relationship and resentment.  Take a minute to breathe and change modes.

3. Friends

   • In a new relationship, friends have to take a back seat and may expect the same time and priority they used to have.  Now your spouse is
   ...

My husband and I laugh a lot!  He still finds me funny even after 40 years of marriage.  We tease, pick, joke and sometimes even take something seriously irritating with humor in the end (After a heated discussion).  It keeps life light, interesting and it's easy to LOVE someone when you're having a good time with them.

But, what happens if you both are oh so... serious?  Get "The Chemistry of Lasting Love" and find things you both enjoy doing together, then identify what's most important to each of you.  Focus on what you learn for a few weeks.  It's Free.  Grab it now and put it to work in you marriage.

What happens if there's a lot of friction and hostility in your home?  Time to dig deep and engage in personal things you enjoy so you keep your own heart happy.  Watch episode 122 of "The Extraordinary Marriage" podcast, 🎉Creating a WIN/WIN: 🗝️The Key to a Thriving Marriage

Proverbs 15:13 says... A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.  

You may b...

How Self-Aware are YOU?  Do you and your spouse mutually Respect one another?  Have you realized that being overextended whether it's personal commitments or money, affect your behavior toward your spouse?  On top of that your personal hard wired behavior style predicts how you react to the challenges themselves.

In this blog, I'm sharing ways that lack of respect and hard-wired personality traits influence how you react to one another.  Then I'll share five ways you can move past the frustration and begin enjoying more mutual respect.

Stop and think, how am I differently wired from my spouse.  I bet you could make a giant list if you take time to think about it.  It's these differences that cause disconnect, frustration, and those feelings of loneliness. 

Spouses that avoid conflict... they despise it, eventually begin to feel resentment.  Feeling disrespected comes out as sarcasm, withdrawal, or being defensive.  Another big behavior difficulty is the tendency to get angry or hos...

Are you doing too much?  Do you feel scattered and a bit unorganized?  This affects your whole household.  Truth is that some people are wired with perfect habits while others of us... continually search for them, because we've realized that we need them, but they seem slightly out of reach!

When we capture just a few most important habits,

life gets easier. 

Marriage is like any major business.  Leadership starts at the top.  You find what works best for the two you, you experience more love and happiness, you work better together as a team, and the whole family benefits!

I say, TALK about everything!

You can't do everything, but you can do something. 

Keep reading and check off what you already do...  and SCORE! 

Now look for your top 3 you'd like to begin doing

And start with #1.... until established

Then go to #2.

1. Plan your time together. 

    * Life is busy.  Put your DATENIGHT on your calendar every month.

2. Talk about everything. 😄

   • Every week, set asi
   ...