5 Areas Where Lack of Guidelines Can Cause Trouble in Marriage

It is what we don't know, that causes division in our marriage.

It's those things we are unaware of.  How we treat our spouse is shaped by how our parents treated each other and our core hardwired personalities.  

Some personalities are private, controlling, all-knowing, suspicious, oblivious.  Being aware of the ways we are causing disconnect in your marriage, can help you overcome those thorns that divide.  

 Here are five areas where couples often struggle with guidelines:

1. Family

   • In-laws and extended family can often step over the line especially in new marriages, leading to conflict.  Your spouse is now #1 and your family will still be there for you if they are well balanced people.

2. Work

   • Bringing work stress home can cause havoc in your relationship and resentment.  Take a minute to breathe and change modes.

3. Friends

   • In a new relationship, friends have to take a back seat and may expect the same time and priority they used to have.  Now your spouse is #1.

4. Finances

   • Different views on spending and saving will lead to some heated discussions.  Listen to each other and find what works for both of you.

5. Parenting

   • Your ways will different.  I always say, find the middle ground.  Overly strict causes kids to rebel and feel unloved but no structure leaves them unruly and unthoughtful of others.  Talk and find balance.

Here are 3 questions to help you find middle ground.

• How can we make sure both of our voices are heard in our marriage?

  • Be open to listening to your spouse’s opinions and feelings.

• Are we both equally represented in our finances?

  • Make sure both partners have a say in financial decisions.

• Are we both equally represented in our parenting?

  • Discuss parenting styles and how they can be integrated to avoid conflict.

You are widening your understanding of each other, how you are different, why you are different and that means your perspective of what it takes for a great marriage is growing in knowledge. 

Hang tight for more from "The Extraordinary Marriage" Blogs, Podcasts, and tap into my "Rediscover Your Spouse" workshop to speed up the process of understanding your spouse and finding the best path to your own Extraordinary Marriage!

This is #4 of 20 blogs this month.

1. Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV)
   "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Connie Durham, Wife, Mom, Nana, Speaker and Relationship Coach

Suburbs of Atlanta, GA