Short Pants: Relationship Reset

You might be thinking, "My marriage was not supposed to be like this." My spouse was once a dream date—creative, thoughtful, respectful—but now, it feels like he’s everything but that. What happened?

Well, it’s kind of like my white, petite Tommy Hilfiger pants. They looked fabulous the first time I wore them, but after a few washes, they kept getting shorter and shorter. At only 5 feet tall, short people don’t usually have issues with pants being too short; they’re always too long! At first, I ignored the problem, but as time went on, those pants started to feel a bit dorky—not stylish, classic, and sharp like they once were.

Finally, I took action. I removed the factory's 2-inch hem and re-hemmed them. Now, I feel good in them again.

Marriage, like many other issues in life, can feel the same way. We’re bothered, confused, and not feeling the love, but we ignore the problems until we can’t ignore them any longer. Can you relate? It might be with one of your kids, work, a friend, or your spouse. Ignoring or postponing issues doesn’t make them go away or get any better.

Let’s assume you and your spouse are at odds way too often. What would it be worth to you to find peace, feel loved again, and begin to work as a team? Here are three things to consider. Take a moment to answer these questions for yourself:

1. How has my spouse changed? Is it temperament, attitude, or communication?
2. Have I changed, too?  
3. Are my reactions to my frustrations causing a Crazy Cycle?

The Crazy Cycle is where men want respect, and women want to feel loved. When caught in this cycle, women don’t act respectfully because their spouse isn’t acting lovingly, and in turn, men don’t act lovingly because she’s not being respectful. Picture a hamster wheel that just goes on and on.

Sometimes, the problems stem from deeply rooted personality differences, old habits, or simply not knowing what makes a good marriage. Did you both have a happy, loving marriage to emulate?

Ponder these questions and tune into "The Extraordinary Marriage" Podcast if you’re looking for ways to build a stronger, happier, and healthier marriage.