Narcissism in Marriage (13)

If you suspect your spouse is narcissistic, you may be experiencing their rage and confusing behavior daily.  If you can understand the causes, recognize the red flags, and behavioral traits, you may be able to find healing and hope.

Causes of Narcissism

Narcissism often stems from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Key causes include:

• Childhood Trauma: Experiences of neglect, overcontrol, excessive hostilities in the home, helplessness or excessive pampering can lead to narcissistic traits.  I would say childhood environment and upbringing are top causes.
• Low Self-Esteem: A fragile self-image may drive individuals to seek validation and power through narcissistic behaviors.
• Cultural Influences: Different Societies, emphasis on individualism and success can foster narcissistic tendencies.
• Personality - Some behavior styles are more apt to this when they deal with childhood trauma through anger.  

Red Flags of Narcissism

Recognizing early warning signs can help you address narcissism in your marriage.  Top resource would be prayer and then counseling if you can get them to go.  Join a Christian church to find community and loving people.

• Lack of Empathy: They don't consider your feelings.
• Excessive Need for Admiration: Seeks praise and validation from others.
• Entitlement: Expecting special treatment or that others should accommodate their needs.
• Manipulative Behavior: Using guilt or emotional tactics to control situations.
• Gaslighting: Makes YOU think you are the one causing the problem.

7 Behavioral Traits of a Narcissist

Identifying specific behaviors can further clarify if narcissism is affecting your relationship:

1. Self-Centeredness: Always prioritizing their needs and desires over yours.
2. Fantasy of Success: Preoccupation with power, success, or beauty, often unrealistic.
3. Exploitative: Takes advantage of others to achieve personal goals.
4. Arrogance: Displaying haughty behaviors or attitudes.
5. Envy: Believing others are envious of them or feeling envious of others.
6. Lack of Accountability: Refusing to take responsibility for mistakes or shortcomings.
7. Difficulty Maintaining Relationships: Strugges to form genuine connections due to self-absorption.

Here are ways to protect your heart and avoid arguments and remember, this is not your fault and remember that you cannot reason with a BRICK WALL.  They are not listening!

1. Listen and don't interrupt.  Let them talk.

2. During good behavior, talk with your spouse about how you can share ideas and concerns peacefully.  Ask them for their help and suggestions.

3. When discussing, use "I" statements and AVOID the word "You".  This might take some though and practice.

I hope you find this helpful.  I've seen the hurt this causes for spouses and children.  Here are two episodes of "The Extraordinary Marriage" podcast that addressed this.

Episode 22 - A discussion with a self-proclaimed narcissist 

https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/podcasts/the-extraordinary-marriage-faith-family-fortified/episodes/2148562514 

Episode 106 - How to thrive despite this challenge

https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/podcasts/the-extraordinary-marriage-faith-family-fortified/episodes/2149155165 

Find what you personally need in your marriage with a selection of FREE gifts.

https://www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/pl/2148710605 

Connie Durham

Atlanta Suburbs, GA

The Extraordinary Marriage 

Just One Person Seeking Answers Will Make a Difference