Affection Hit-and-Miss? Mastering Your Love Language

Intimacy in marriage creates adoration and appreciation for your spouse. Suddenly everything they do is the right thing. There are words like hey honey, do you need help with that? There are smiles and a spark as you look into one another’s eyes. It’s the epitome of a positive loving attitude that’ll refill your cup not only today, but for several days. Everything looks bright.

My husband's love language is service and he’s made breakfast for me on Mother’s Day for years… only thing is… Mother’s Day is on a Sunday and we have church. That means getting ready early. For me, I just like to chill and drink my coffee for 45 minutes and eat a bite right before we leave, but on this day, I have a hot breakfast waiting just as I open my eyes. Lovingly, I eat it LOL.

 
You see, we each have our own natural gifts and inclination to do what we ourselves like. It’s important to know your spouse's LOVE Language, so all your efforts give you the best Love Deposit. When giving gifts it’s important to put yourself in the other person’s place and remember their LIKES and DISLIKES.

Do you know the love language of yourself and your spouse?

 
Gifts – Service - Words of Affirmation - Quality Time - Physical Touch

Let’s take a minute and look at how our Personality Style effects how we show love. I’ve talked about the four styles in several blogs this month. Your spouse sees you from the lens of their own style and your style shines through either with glowing reviews or it may naturally cause hesitation.

The D style has high expectations of themselves and others, they’re also in a hurry and focused on the task at hand. This may mean they’re not thinking of their spouse until that minute they need something. Note here is to remember that your spouse is your #1-person, supporter, and lover.

 
The I style expressed themselves through words, lots a words, and tends to be optimistic so words of affirmation are easily given… and also needed. Service may not be their middle name because they’re not paying attention to what you need. Tell them, they want to please you.

The S style – usually needs words of affirmation because they are a Servant and want to know you are pleased with them. Harsh words deplete their LOVE Bank for sure. If your spouse is an S style, criticism is tied for first place with harsh words. Two of the personality styles tend to be harsh and critical, not knowing how devastating this is to their relationship. Kind and loving are key here.

The C style can show love through striving to do the right thing, as in following the rules and having great habits. Only thing here is, if they’re married to their opposite… that person who needs a smile, affection, and words of affirmation… there’s a giant deficit. This style doesn’t show emotion. They’re the person that doesn’t smile back when you smile at them… and you think… they don’t like me. Gotta work on opening up and showing affection.  

So you see… there are some concrete reasons couples have trouble once they begin living together. It’s interrupting one another’s love language and personality style. Once you understand that it’s not about you, it’s about them, you can begin to sow seeds of love, caring, and connection. This leads to more intimacy because let’s be real, it’s important to know, like, and trust your spouse. That begins with truly understanding what makes them tick.

You can understand, improve connection, and enjoy your marriage more when you join me for the “ReDISCover Your Spouse” workshop @ The Extraordinary Marriage. It’s eye opening! It’s empowering! You’ll find out soooo… much about yourself and your spouse and ways you can fill one another’s LOVE Bank, creating your own extraordinary marriage.

Connie Durham

The Relationship Transformer
The Extraordinary Marriage Podcast
www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/rediscover