Every person needs to be seen, heard and appreciated.  I remember when I first heard a coach of mine say that.  It's profound.  I wrote it on the front of several notebooks so that I wouldn't lose it.  Now I remember it.

When you are determined to up your game and improve your relationship, it's up to YOU to begin.  You have the power in your hands to lift yourself up and out of any discord.  It may take a couple weeks, or it may take couple of years.  It's according to where you start.  I begin everything with prayer.

Begin by associating with positive minded people.  People who find solutions, look at the bright side, and have learned to see both sides of any matter.  Listen to encouraging podcast, music, TV shows, and Godly friends.

Here's the biggie for today, take a look at your spouse and focus on 5 things they are good at.  It might be they're really smart, good with people, money, work hard, creative, disciplined, you name it.  Then Appreciate and compliment them on those th...

So, I just finished an upcoming podcast with my daughter.  It happens to be the last in the Empowered to Love Series where you can begin to overcome... what brings down way too many marriages. 

Conflict!  Over reacting.  Unforgiveness!

Way.. too... many... couples... get caught up in the frustration and irritation, unable to find their way out of it.  Once we are mad, hurt, or scared that every time we see our spouse they are going to explode, we're stuck.  I call it the CRAZY CYCLE, the book "Empowered to Love" calls it the REACTIVE CYCLE.

Knowledge is power.

Power is being able to take action.

Action begins the process of healing the wounds and overcoming the Reactive Cycle. 

Overcoming the Reactive Cycle means FREEDOM to love and enjoy your relationship.  But it takes at least ONE person, seeking help, looking for answers. 

You can begin with the S-T-O-P Method. 

This is just part of podcast episode 124. 

If you're finding a lot of bitterness, begin listening with episode ...

Sometimes it's BIG things and sometimes its little things that just irritate the daylights out of us.  Here are a few things to consider.

Not forgiving is like drinking poison... and expecting the other person to die.

Yeah, you might want to read that again.  It's truth.  Not kills us, not so much the other person.  I do understand that some things might feel like it's impossible to forgive, but most of the time, if we get real with ourselves, it wasn't as important as we thought.

Maybe we're seeking attention, revenge, or you fill in the blank.

If you want a loving marriage... it's up to you to create one.  Maybe you or your spouse have not witnessed a loving marriage in your lives.  The family is under attack these days, there are tons of divorces and single parents raising their kids the best they can.  If you didn't have 2 parents or your 2-parent home was a war ground, you'll have to seek a mentor, guidance, and identify for yourself, what you really want and how you'll get it...

Marriage is truly a journey.  Meeting that person you love to spend time with, talk with, and explore the worlds possibilities with.  Getting to know each other begins with dating and with each new season of life, the adventures grow.  How it grows is up to you.

As kids come along, attentions shift.  Children require a lot of energy and attention, but so does your spouse.  So how do you balance that?  I believe most everything has a trickle-down effect. 

Putting God first gives you the moral foundation and support you need and we must care for ourselves so that we have a full cup to give to our families.  Your spouse is next... #1, above your kids.  I know if you're a woman, you naturally lean into your kids, but don't forget your #1 relationship and the trickle-down effect.  When things are good with you and your spouse, the children will absorb those vibes from you, act and react, just like the two of you.

How do you keep your marital love growing?  By purposely finding ways to...

THINK about how you feel when you have done something nice for someone else.  Maybe you cooked a meal for someone coming home from the hospital, helped a sick neighbor with yard work, given money to help a family who lost their home, or watched someone's kids in an emergency.  

Being a person of virtue creates a positive energy deep within your soul, causing you to feel energetic and positively good about yourself.  Feels great right?

We like to be around helpful, honest, encouraging people.

True virtue means,

people are the same at home

as they are in public.

Why do most people treat their family differently than people in public?

How did your family treat one another?  You are most likely doing the same, because that's what you know and have seen.  Some say Virtue is old fashion and out of date, but families who treat each other kindly enjoy being together.

As couples we talk about what's for dinner, how we'll pay our bills, what happened at work today but rarely do we h...

As people we each have different formative upbringing, life experiences, and hopes for our future. We enter marriage with thoughts of sweet love and building a future together.  There are ups, there are downs, there are times we wonder if we'll successfully make it to the finish line.  We can, if we choose to.  If we listen to one another and truly care.  We can if we focus on what is right, instead of what we fear is wrong.

Truth is that we get hung up on what bothers us or irritates us about out spouse.

We get focused on that, causing us to be critical and judgmental.  Maybe we don't mean to, but that's what we do.  It's like fighting our inner spirit, we know it's not right, but it just bubbles out anyway.  The only way I know around this is to pray that God will help you see and focus on the good qualities of your spouse.

Take a look at the world.  Negative always gets more attention than positive.  Think about the last time you shared an exciting positive story about someone el...

Ever find yourself thankful that it's Monday because... last week was crazy busy?  When you consider work, weekly must does, kids' school and activities and then add in the extras for the week, it can become overwhelming!  That's what last week was for me.

Last week, everything that I've been working on for 4 months, happened.  We had our first MOM.co meetup at church (I'm the coordinator), A giant women's charity leadership event rolled in, and my daughter ask me to be the PAINT teacher for my granddaughters' 7th birthday party... painting outside in 90-degree heat with 17 little girls.  Did I say this was my 1st time doing this?  Now, I can do many things... when I am just a helper, but I was the leader and planner in all of these events.

Yes, I know, it doesn't sound like so much unless it's you doing it... right?  There was prep time and all the other things in life going on at the same time.  Here's what I learned.

1 - We can do many things, when we focus on one thing at a time...

 Learn simple steps to practice for better communication in a day and time where there are many things to disagree on, like money, kids, beliefs, values, politics, chores, and the list goes on and on!

Find more @ www.theextraordinarymarriage.com

 First podcast in July... airs 7/16/26.  Pastor Dennis Watson shares his own ups and downs through years of marriage and ways that he has counseled couples through using earned wisdom and Biblical principles. 

It's a quick watch!  Host Connie Durham

If you're enjoying my blog and podcast, consider my online program "ReDISCover Your Spouse".  You won't be disappointed!  

Main topics covered

• The biblical call for husbands to love their wives sacrificially
• Why humility, prayer, and relying on God matter in marriage
• How the dynamic of initiation and response shapes a relationship
• The power of small, intentional acts of love
• Common misunderstandings about gender roles and communication

Key takeaways

• Loving well often requires divine help, not just effort
• Thoughtfulness and consistency build trust and connection
• Marriage works better when both people understand their roles and respond with grace
• Even small gestures can make a spouse feel seen and valued

#TheExtraordinar...

Hello Friend,

Even I'm amazed that Jeff and I have been married for 47 years!  I don't feel old enough for that to be true!  I thought all marriages were made in Heaven... but at this age I've realize that's not always true.

What makes a marriage not only last, but fall into the outstanding category? 

I'd say...

God 1st  -  Family 2nd  -   Career 3rd

• Finding things, you have in common, and doing them together
• Be self-aware, know your own kinks 
• Strive daily to have self-discipline, high standards, thoughtfulness
• Understand your different personalities... early on & letting some things slide (I didn't know this concept until 20 years ago)
• Put one another 1st... that's above your parents and your kids
• Talk about everything and meet in the middle
• Keep that LOVING FEELING by talking, thinking and being kind, supportive, and uplifting one another.

The book of Galatians 5:22 says...

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance,

kindness, goodness, & faithful...