I was one of those mom's that rarely leave my kids.  I've not been married over 46 years and as I look back, I realize the importance of keeping the flame alive between you and your husband.  

Would you like to keep or relight the romance in your marriage?  Grab the tips in today's blog and go to "The Extraordinary Marriage" podcast and find the episodes that interest you.  Also on Apple and Spotify.

Connie Durham

Relationship Speaker & Coach

We all have some kind of hopelessness.  What's yours?  Maybe not today, but another day.  Often we hear... Mind over Body, what's that mean.  Well first we have to get our head straight and that begins with our thoughts.

How do we do that?  Pay attention to everything you watch and listen to, who you hang out with, are you getting enough rest, finding things you enjoy?

Yes, a difficult relationship is draining.  If you allow yourself to be completely consumed, thinking about it all the time, dreading the next confrontation, you'll lose your winning edge.  The ability to refuel, see what is good, and feel empowered.

Whatever is troubling you can be major... or small in the big picture... but it's major to you.  Many times, the person causing the pain... is in pain themselves.  Hurting people hurt overs and are unable to think... about how they are hurting you.

Prayerize - Visualize- Actualize and find those that will support you, helping you through the adversity, and just maybe hel...

When bickering, constant tension, and even a bit of fear, play a part of your everyday,

God has a way of bringing us to our knees.  You might be the one who's enduring havoc in your marriage or you might be like me.  It was my daughter.  As a parent you only want all things beautiful for your kids.  You love them dearly. 

This is really WHY I have invested my time, money, and attention in relationships and families.  It's become my passion.  You matter.

I was intrigued with people differences in communication, how they think, their emotions, their ambition, and how they get along, before my 3 kids got married.  But once they got married, I realize that family background, each person's experiences in life, and their personality styles predicted their SUCCESS in marriage.

After lots of prayer, analyzing, sleepless nights, worry and tears... God moved, uncovered, brought awareness, convicted and showed them the way.  Their pinnacle was an opportunity for a Marriage Retreat at WinShape...

Basically, we hide from responsibility!  Nobody wants to say they are the cause for a failed relationship.  Life is a journey. 

Sometimes you don't even except that you are causing most of the hurt in your family, or more than likely...

if you are reading this, you are the one being hurt and don't know how to change that.

Parents who can't get along, pass that worry, fear and anxiety to their kids. 

How do you uncover a healthy relationship... when you don't know how?

Find Help!  A Pastor, mentor, friend, who is capable of looking at both sides, and be honest with you.  Listen to Empowered Couples, Stop Reacting, Start Loving Intentionally  It's #1 in a series of 5 podcast episodes by "The Extraordinary Marriage" meant to assist you in letting go of what's not working in your marriage, and guide you in embracing your personal power and finding the answers you need, to live peacefully in your own home.

Blame is in the instigator and in how we react to it.

Think... could I be p...

I was just listening to my own podcast from last week. 

It's my story from 5 years ago, and you know what sticks out? 

When we start a journey, it takes us longer to get there than we think, we work harder than we ever thought we would, and we don't know what we don't know... till suddenly one day... we know it.  

Let's think about that.  You might relate this to college, a new business, buying a house, raising kids, or figuring out HOW to get along with your spouse.  

There are simple disagreements... and then there are downright fights.  Might be money issues, integrity issues, or one sees the glass 1/2 FULL and other sees the glass 1/2 Empty.  What do you do?

Well, the 1st thing is Recognizing that there is a problem.  Too often we have Turtle syndrome, and we hide our head or we brush it off, choosing to forget it and hope it will go away, but too often it doesn't.  Small issues turn into giant issues and the river of frustration and hurt become daily.

Next is the job of Re...

Navigating Marriage: Gaslighting & Communication (Riverside Video- 3 minutes)

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells with your spouse, way too often? 

Watch the 3-minute video.

Great rewards come to those that take the time to figure it out!!  So many people get stuck in the emotion and frustration of their marriage, forgetting to analyze and identify, why they're having so much trouble.

Marriage is made up of two different personalities that either work well together or constantly butt heads.  Add to that upbringing.  You may differ on how to spend money, discipline kids, who does the chores, what constitutes spending quality time together means, and so... much more! 

Do you both respect one another and what's the definition of a great marriage?

Have you seen one?

If you're finding more arguments than you'd like, I'd suggest keeping a diary and writing down how you were feeling before the argument started, the mood of your spouse and what started the argument. That way you...

 Hello Friend,

Are you feeling disconnected from your spouse? Many married women report feeling this way, with pretty good size problems 70% of the time and life is livable... just 30% of the time.  If you find yourself walking on eggshells, dreading your spouse coming home from work, or feeling exhausted from arguments, you're not alone.

Here are three ways to move forward and regain your confidence and hope:

1. Draw Closer to God:

   • Engage in private prayer.
   • Find a supportive church community.
   • Experience returned hope.

2. Understand It's Not Your Fault:

   • Recognize that gaslighting may be involved.
   • Acknowledge deeper issues.
   • Know that your spouse may lack the skills to communicate.

3. Put on the Shoes of Your Spouse:

   • Is he stressed?
   • What does he need most from you?
   • Does he need time to decompress from the day?

Coaching Questions to Help You Solve Your Problem:

• Have you set your expectations too high?
• What’s most important to each of you in life?
• Wha...

Valentine’s Week is here, and while roses and chocolates are nice, let’s talk about what really matters: love languages! If you want to avoid that awkward moment when you give your spouse a gift they don’t want, you need to learn how to speak their love language and figure out what's most important to THEM. This week, we’ll explore the 5 Love Languages and how understanding them, can enhance communication and connection in your marriage.

But wait, there’s more! If you want to ensure lifelong success in your marriage, here are three areas to understand about your spouse:

1. Their Personality Style: Uncover how to handle their temperament, how they think, what’s most important to them, and how they respond to everything.  This is what I use for coaching and share in the "ReDISCover Your Spouse" workshop.
2. What They NEED Most from You: You can find this in “The Chemistry of Lasting Love.”  It's FREE
3. Their Love Language: It’s simple—just ask them!

And speaking of love languages, let’s...

Time spent together is a well spent investment.  More than likely it's fun and similar interest that brought you together in the first place.  The book called "His Needs, Her Needs" says that couples need 15 hours a week together to keep the romantic love flowing.  If you think about it... it's when you're both kept way too busy, stressed out and tired, that you snap at each other and are irritated by one another's actions.  If you want to spend the rest of your life together... and you want it to be a GOOD life... best remember to continue to invest your time and energy into it.

Here are 7 simple date night ideas.  Often, we do the same ole thing, like the movies or dinner out.  Finding new things to learn or do together, also gives you something NEW to talk about and keeps life more interesting.  In The Chemistry of Lasting Love, I share 50 Date Ideas.  You narrow them down by each choosing your Top 10 or 15, then see which ones you have in common.  For renewed romance, it's importa...

 Living with a narcissist can be painful and degrading.  In last week's blog we talked about what causes narcissism.  Once you understand that, you may be able to have empathy or mercy on their horrible behavior, if you can see past your own pain.

Somehow, possibly through their own challenges growing up, the need for self-preservation became so strong, they never developed empathy or any kind of thought for others.

Prayer and patience can make a difference, add counseling to that if they'll go.  They really do need HELP and so do you.  Below are the out-of-control behaviors they exhibit and ways you can cope and learn how to keep from setting them off emotionally.