Hello Friend,

Even I'm amazed that Jeff and I have been married for 47 years!  I don't feel old enough for that to be true!  I thought all marriages were made in Heaven... but at this age I've realize that's not always true.

What makes a marriage not only last, but fall into the outstanding category? 

I'd say...

God 1st  -  Family 2nd  -   Career 3rd

• Finding things, you have in common, and doing them together
• Be self-aware, know your own kinks 
• Strive daily to have self-discipline, high standards, thoughtfulness
• Understand your different personalities... early on & letting some things slide (I didn't know this concept until 20 years ago)
• Put one another 1st... that's above your parents and your kids
• Talk about everything and meet in the middle
• Keep that LOVING FEELING by talking, thinking and being kind, supportive, and uplifting one another.

The book of Galatians 5:22 says...

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance,

kindness, goodness, & faithful...

Oh my Gosh!!  When we get irritated with our spouse, we don't want to be AROUND them, we don't want to SEE them, we don't want to HEAR them talking and we sure don't want to get all Lovie Duby!

How do you get out of what I call the CRAZY CYLE??  It's a miserable place to be!  Hating on anybody is miserable but it's even worse when it's the person you live with and sleep with!

I just had an episode with a friend that I'll not name, but I know it's going to happen every time the group gets together, and I know WHY!  It's because I believe in Collaboration, talking it out and making a plan so that we all know what to expect, but this person insists on throwing a monkey wrench in every time we get together.  Whatever the PLAN, maybe they are driving, they will suddenly switch up the PLAN without asking, consulting, or caring what anyone else thinks.  I so rarely get irritated but every single time we spend time with this group, it happens.  Why? 

They mean well, but the plan... needs to...

I was just listening to my own podcast from last week. 

It's my story from 5 years ago, and you know what sticks out? 

When we start a journey, it takes us longer to get there than we think, we work harder than we ever thought we would, and we don't know what we don't know... till suddenly one day... we know it.  

Let's think about that.  You might relate this to college, a new business, buying a house, raising kids, or figuring out HOW to get along with your spouse.  

There are simple disagreements... and then there are downright fights.  Might be money issues, integrity issues, or one sees the glass 1/2 FULL and other sees the glass 1/2 Empty.  What do you do?

Well, the 1st thing is Recognizing that there is a problem.  Too often we have Turtle syndrome, and we hide our head or we brush it off, choosing to forget it and hope it will go away, but too often it doesn't.  Small issues turn into giant issues and the river of frustration and hurt become daily.

Next is the job of Re...

This week I am reminded that Awesome spouses are Godly spouses.  What happens if you don't have one or know nothing about such things yourself.  Google it, that is google the Christian Faith.  People cannot DO... what they do not know.

Saturday my husband was called on to do a funeral for folks coming in from out of town.  It turned out they were from 4 different areas of the states and 3 different families, meaning 3 different dads.

We've been brought up to be respectful, kind and thoughtful of all people, even those we don't agree with.  Funerals within this realm are calm and aim at honoring the life of the person who pasted.  Well, this funeral presented conflict, lack of self-control and altercation.  WHY?  Because part of these people evidently lived their lives a bit differently than what we are used to.  

Before the funeral started, one young woman saw a man sitting in the back of the church and went ballistic.  Yes, screaming and all body language that follows that... was i...

 Living with a narcissist can be painful and degrading.  In last week's blog we talked about what causes narcissism.  Once you understand that, you may be able to have empathy or mercy on their horrible behavior, if you can see past your own pain.

Somehow, possibly through their own challenges growing up, the need for self-preservation became so strong, they never developed empathy or any kind of thought for others.

Prayer and patience can make a difference, add counseling to that if they'll go.  They really do need HELP and so do you.  Below are the out-of-control behaviors they exhibit and ways you can cope and learn how to keep from setting them off emotionally.

90% of what is put into our minds daily

is of a negative nature.

John Maxwell

What if you could turn that around?  Would you be willing?  Would you take action?  

It would require going into protection mode.

Stop hanging around people with bad attitudes, bad language, dishonest people who are only thinking... what can YOU do for me. 

When watching TV... You'd become aware of beautiful people and landscapes in drug commercials that pronounce sickness and death into your Mind.  Are you thinking about that now?  Pretty pictures, maybe nice music, telling you all of the ways their product can kill, but you should take it?  Ever notice that there's often 5 to 10 minutes of the show you're watching and then 5 minutes of commercials?

You'd need to stop being reactive and educate yourself in how to be proactive, in order to switch up your thoughts and regain hope.

The book of Romans, chapter 12, verse 2 says:  Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the re...

First let's address that NO Body wants to attend a family gathering where there's back biting and bickering!  Hurting people hurt others, they just can't seem to help themselves but... family is family. 

If we can be realistic and optimistic, knowing we're prepared before we go, there IS hope!  AND we all have to do things that are not just about US!  Going to that family gathering or office party with your spouse is a Must!

We allow people and the world to pull us apart as a couple, or we are determined and united to stand together.  What don't kill us, makes us stronger, LOL.  Ultimately being prepared with understanding of the people you're with will help you move past unwanted comments. Sometimes it's just best to not respond.

Everyone comes in with their own burdens, stresses, frustrations.  Learn to see people, know where they come from, and have a little mercy.  You see every behavior style at a family function.  

A - The Over Talker

B - The Booster

C - The Gripper

D - T...

Taking out the trash when it's full is a great habit because it keeps your kitchen from stinking up your house!  There are habits you use at work like, being on time, following through with responsibilities, and doing first things... 1st each day.  Your Habits will predict your future.  Great habits build repour, trust, and integrity with those around you.

So why don't we think about our habits with our spouse?

Many times, our behavior depends on our mood, emotions, and what's going on with the kids and work.  Are we getting enough sleep or is our schedule stressing us out!

Some people are patient and easy going while others become tense and impatient causing them to be critical or explosive.  Which one are you?

You see... if you are critical or explosive, it's like a daily badgering to your spouse.

You see... if you are on the receiving end, the air is literally sucked out of life... each and every day.

Here's the thing... more than likely...

You don't realize how your behav...

 Tis the season when we get so busy we lose sight of what brings us joy.  I know when I'm tired and grumpy, I'm not bringing joy to those around me.   

Working together and sharing responsibilities lightens the load for both of you BUT... some people lack the ability to think past their own needs.  If you're married to a spouse like this... personal growth is a process. 

It will take patience, but there is hope!

1 - Evaluate what you each experienced growing up.

2 - How close are your family values?

3 - Do you find it easy and enjoyable to live with your spouse?

If not, the only way to expect a lifelong marriage is to find

ways to overcome what divides you. 

After 46 years of marriage, kids, and life... I believe understanding how people think and make decisions differently, show emotions, and respond to stress... will move the needle in your relationship in the BIGGEST Way!  First understand personality, then decipher through the rest.  www.theextraordinarymarriage.com/redi...